What am I putting my attention on!

In the last post I started to talk about self hypnosis. When I spend that 10 minutes of focused thought I like to generalise about how I want my life to be. For example I say things like "Source has it all handled", "everything is perfect and as it should be", "everything supports me in growing", "life is abundance and there are examples of this everywhere". Thoughts I can believe, thoughts that make me feel good, thoughts that give me hope of a better future! Also thoughts that I want to form new beliefs on.

It may seem like we are going to so much effort to create the change we want to see in our lives. It seems like effort at first and then it becomes second nature, just like learning anything we wish to experience with some ease. You want to become an artist you learn to paint, you want to become a musician, you learn to play an instrument. I want to become a conscious creator, I need to learn to become aware of my thoughts and experiences in life. I saw myself being a victim to the circumstances of my life, I discovered that this was just a way I experienced myself based on a lack of self awareness, based on past beliefs. I discovered I could change this image I had of myself, I could change the thoughts I had about my life.

So that word 'life', to me represents everything that appears outside of myself and including me. When I view the life I am living I don't always experience myself as empowered in relationship to society. It seems that most of society is trying to dis-empower me. Governments are telling me what I can and can't do, friends have their expectations of me, family has it's expectation of me etc. etc. Where does my true power lie? For me I have discovered it lies in my 'authentic self', which I believe never lies to me or tries to control me. My authentic self is that part of me that isn't attached to an image I identify with, that I created to keep myself safe. An identification I created to give myself a purpose in what at times can seem like a meaningless and scary experience.

One of my many identities used to be a caring and supportive person. Now I can give you a list of people who would see cracks in that mirror! Ex partners, children, friends to name a few. Then I discovered my 'authentic self', that part of me that could be honest and say, "no right now I don't care about you, right now I care about me more than I care about you". In fact this felt right, yes sometimes extremely uncomfortable and at times was met with anger and frustration from that list of people, but I slowly started to realise I liked myself better when I was being authentic and for me this was the beginning of creating a real experience of love in my life. Love of me first and for those who really saw value in their relationships with me, a better more loving friendship that wasn't based on a needy approval seeking 'image' of me.

Yes I am still growing in that awareness of 'self love' and what it means in any given moment. I don't always get it right and guess what I don't really care!