What about all the goodies?

Now don’t get me wrong I want the stuff too. I want to live in a beautiful house overlooking the ocean, a brand new car that is environmentally friendly, beautiful clothes, holidays in exotic places; just being able to buy whatever I want whenever I want it! For me having a spiritually based life isn’t all about being the light and love or being a selfless guru that has no need for possessions. If I wanted that I would become a Buddhist monk and that is not the path for me.

I do want the stuff of life and I have spent plenty of years pursuing the means to make the money to acquire the ‘stuff’. I would get some ‘stuff’ but I slowly realised the buzz from having fun objects didn’t last that long, it wasn’t long before I wanted something else to give me the ‘buzz’ or make me happy, which I slowly realised was the underlying desire. I have now spent many years questioning and self investigating my so called needs and desires. Why do I really want ‘some thing’? And yes I decided there was nothing wrong with the desiring of fun things, I did receive pleasure from the latest Apple Mac product; it’s a lot of fun to buy a new pair of shoes and feel more socially acceptable by having the goodies.

So what am I really saying here. What I have discovered is I have desires but I don’t need the goodies to make me happy, I can be happy without the stuff, I don’t need the stuff to feel complete, happy or worthy. Also I can get obsessed with things I find beautiful or something I think I need. I have an ‘I need it now’ personality. ‘No time like the present’, ‘if not now when’ stuff can go on in my head. So I have observed that I only ‘think’ I need something, I convince myself that I need something. Recognising this behaviour at all?!

Like I have said before, I am, as much as I am aware, living my life as my own experiement. I like to observe my desires, thoughts, feelings and actions, I challenge my desires and needs. I only take action to buy something when it feels right, when I have totally aligned with my desire that it feels natural to have it, not needy. Now this can be an instant feeling when I am shopping and go yes, it feels great for me to give this to myself or buy a gift for someone else. Other things take longer for me to align with. There are many reasons for this, I may be dealing with money issues, I am accessing whether I really do need to have this item or if I want it for dysfunctional reasons, like I need to make myself feel good because I am feeling some sort of lack within myself.

Now all of the above are good enough reasons to make me buy something that I want, but like I said before it won’t last. I want the sort of happiness that lasts, that doesn’t need to be constantly fed by something outside of myself, that isn’t dependent on an object or a person because sooner rather than later they will let me down, they won’t continue to make me feel happy or even good. The loss of them will disappoint me or make me feel sad! So instead of being the victim to the ‘stuff’ of life why not just appreciate them when they are here; enjoy the people, places and objects of life when we have them. Needing anything or anyone can be painful and personally I never like feeling like that. I don’t need to be detached from things outside of myself, I just want to gain a healthy perspective about it all. I want to allow them in and let them go when it is time. I want to appreciate how useful my things are. Having things come because I love beauty and usefulness. Interesting enough when I get to a place of not needing something the means to attain seem to appear or the object itself.

Another consideration is the price I am paying to have the goodies. People (not me) spend their whole lives working in jobs they don’t enjoy to buy things for themselves or their families; spending 6 days working and stressing to enjoy 1 day a week or only 3 weeks a year. Yes they might have the latest gadgets but are not present enough to really enjoy them, or are too stressed and tired to value the people they love. I could go on about all of that but no need. I just want to say question what is behind the needs and desires; get in touch with how you feel about life and the ‘stuff’ you think you need!

Lost In Space

Today I was chatting to a friend. We were talking about not being able to identify with any particular role in life. I said it was like floating in outer space, in a space suit that has a line attached to a space ship. We are floating around out there, not doing or being anyone in particular; feeling kind of free but a bit lost and confused sometimes; feeling lighter and more spacious than everyone else in the space ship. We can see the people in the space ship, they are busy doing their stuff or 'important' roles in life; they are looking towards us every now and then, waving at us and feeling sorry for us floating around out there! I must admit we were laughing and laughing just at the imagery of it all.

This analogy is about moving away from the 'grid' so to speak. Not fitting into the mold, not identifying with any particular role that we were conditioned to fit into. For many years I thought life went a particular way. Grew up, got married, had kids, lived happy ever after....... well not to be for me! First part yeah that was great, then the cracks started to appear, I was able to fool myself that I was on the road to 'happy ever after' when I gave birth to my adorable children and just loved the role of mother. So I got divorced and then I started to seek the 'happy ever after' in numerous other ways, a new man - wrong; business - wrong; sell the house and invest - wrong; more business ideas - wrong; maybe something creative - wrong!!!! How many 'wrong' decisions can a girl make!

After a decade or so insights started to appear, 'aha' moments were the most significant things in my life! Now I am totally at peace with 'being busy doing nothing'. I thought I needed to be something or someone, I thought my only significance was in what I have and do. Well when none of that got me anywhere I started to question what I wanted from identifying with a role. I wanted to be valued, to feel worthy, the security that came from having, I wanted to be respected, loved, noticed; again the list goes on. Then I started to pay attention to those that had, did and were something or someone, they didn't seem much happier than me! They were still chasing something to identify with or someone to make them happy. I realised the significance I was seeking was fleeting, it wasn't long before one had to seek something to be significant through, over and over and over!

After a lot of soul searching I now realise if I sit still for a moment, feel the sensations in my body, look out the window at the sky, trees and birds being, this is a reflection of my own significance. Without the sky, air, trees, birds etc. I wouldn't exist, then if I didn't exists I wouldn't be able to look at the birds, sky, air etc. and I wouldn't notice their significance. Yes all very cosmic but if you sit still and allow the moment to be as it is, you will realise that nothing has to happen for 'what is' to be of value; to be something so beautiful and amazing. The fact that it all exists is significant enough for me to be content with not really knowing who I am anymore. Not needing to identify with a world that mostly looks like it has gone insane. Not needing to achieve anything in life other than appreciating the smell of a flower, seeing the beauty of a sunset, feeling the drops on my face of the first rain of summer.

I am not denying the creative prompts or a desire to experience oneself in life through something, that is great, that is the call of 'Source' as Abraham/Hicks would say. It is when we are seeking an identity through what is outside of ourselves that we can come unstuck; lose confidence in who we are; when that creative prompt stops for a while and we diminish our self worth in the eyes of the world. When we stop getting the buzz from the process and start needing the acknowledgment through achievement. That is when we have lost sight of our true purpose in life.

For me the true purpose of life is to live in joy, no matter what I am doing, being or having. To celebrate the fact that I exist on this beautiful planet and can see all these other expressions of 'source' energy that are all unique in their own expression of 'life' or existence. To be open to what comes next, knowing it is all perfect, (you) will never get it done and there is nowhere to get. Enjoy!!!!

Great quote and pic by 'Rasha'

It's Not Personal, it's Universal!!!???

For me, right now, I view everything as significant to my growth, or rather, an opportunity to move beyond a pattern or dis-functional belief. I know I have taken something personal when I have a negative reaction. I was talking to some beautiful young woman (one being my daughter) the other day and I had one of those 'aha' moments. I realised that if I react to a situation or person negatively I am releasing some old emotional 'stuff'; I realised if I was truly in a loving space there is no way I could have negative thoughts or responses about another, or blame them for what they said or did. I believe when I get to the stage of not needing to change the 'other' or take personally an other's process I will have let go off past emotional baggage. I will be able to be with an other's process and feeling nothing but allowing and acceptance; I wouldn't need to blame, punish or reject; I wouldn't feel hurt or rejected by their processing.

Just the same as I wouldn't like to think I am being punished or blamed or rejected for my unconscious behavior towards others that have crossed my path. I have done and said some terrible things to the people I love, from a place of pain. If I reflect on these times in the past, which I rarely do, I almost felt a bit insane. The parts of me that were inflicting pain felt pain. As Abraham/Hicks says "nobody that is in their true power could ever inflict pain on a fellow human being", or words to that effect. I can look back on things I have done in my past and wondered 'what was I thinking'; some things I have no relationship to at all 'now' and have no idea where those actions were coming from. If I could go back in time I would never do or say what I said to hurt others and yes I may still be doing this to others now and my intention now would be to put some space between me and an other's pain body; now it may be more like self protection and yes perhaps in the past it was self protection also. The difference with now is I am so much more aware of what I am feeling and can accept responsibility for what I am feeling and I don't need to have bad thoughts towards the so called 'perpetrator'. I can even see how perhaps my behavior led me to put myself in such a situation; I can diffuse my emotions enough to be allowing in the moment, yes it is a skill that takes some practice but it is achievable. I can allow myself to fail as well and get taken over by my reactions or emotions.

I can accept that I am a 'universal being' in the process of becoming more; I can accept that everyone else is a 'universal being' in the process of becoming more. All those so called 'awful' moments in my life have made me a better person, well I think so and I am pretty sure those who love me would say the same and they are the only opinions that really count to me. I can get it wrong and still feel connected to something bigger because everything is an opportunity to be more loving towards 'self' and 'other'.

Inspirational thoughts and image by 'Rasha'.