The Art of Selfishness

Recently I was given a book to read 'The Art of Selfishness'. Also Abraham/Hicks talks about being "selfish like a cat", initially when I heard these concepts I must admit I had a reaction; like you might be having to these ideas of being selfish or in other words 'self interested'. Upon further investigation I started to gain a better understanding, it is about talking care of yourself, accepting responsibility for ones choices and minding your own business.

Only I can know my experience or reactions in life. Only I can know what I need to feel loved and happy. So for me it makes sense that I make requests from this place. It makes sense that I make my decisions, either good or bad to gain a better understanding of what floats my boat. It makes sense that I communicate what I am feeling in relationship to others.

This topic to me is related to earlier discussions on 'everything has a purpose'. When we are young we are constantly told what to do, what to like, how to feel and what to think. We start to loose site of what we want and even how we feel about life and the circumstances in it. There is a potential to loose a sense of purpose. We are doing careers that are influenced by parents or society, as worthwhile or based on a good income. We are so influenced by being a good child, partner, parent, friend, work college that we loose a sense of self or what we enjoy to do or experience in life. We may put the wellbeing or feelings of others ahead of ourselves.

Now this is a pretty normal way to live our lives, otherwise we would be labeled as selfish. Heaven forbid we are selfish or self motivated. It is a word none of us want to be considered as. Well when I started to really look at my life and ask myself what is this all about, why do I feel depressed and unmotivated. What is my purpose in all of this, I started to see a pattern of needing people to approve of me and what I was 'doing' with my life. I saw I was presenting an image or 'trying' to appear like I had something going on. Like my life counted for something, I wanted to be an achiever or wealthy or creative. I needed a label that others approved of! I had to provide well for those that were dependent on me, until the cracks started to appear. Until I started to loose interest in everything in life; until I felt so inadequate there we nowhere else to go but up! I started to loose everything I valued - home, relationships, lively hood.

One day it felt like I just woke up to the fact that I had nothing to offer anyone else, I was struggling to take care of myself, let alone having others that needed me to take care of their needs. I fumbled along, feeling guilty and worthless for many years. Then I started to hear these new concepts; 'selfish like a cat', 'self interested', 'self loving', 'putting myself first'. I realised that if I didn't take care of me first there would be nothing for me to offer anyone else.

I started to do things differently, I started to check in with how I felt about others expectations of me. I started to hear my judgements of myself and others that I considered 'selfish'. I think I envied the selfish people of this world, they seemed to get what they needed while I felt tired and inadequate. Life started to get easier, I stopped caring what others felt about me; I didn't have much energy left to care! I started to see things a lot clearer, I gained some insights that seemed new to me. Life started to make more sense, a purpose was starting to shape itself.

Now everything seems easier, I feel happier, I enjoy the company of those I value more. I feel like I am more authentic. I feel like I have more to share and offer others. I only do for others when I am motivated. I rarely act from obligation and if I feel that old stuff creeping in I catch it and can change my attitude or gain some insight about myself or the relationship I am in with that particular person. Just information for me to re-choose who I am being in the moment.

If I don't live my life for me then I am dependent on others and my expectations of them and we all know where that takes us, to disappointment in my experience. I now realise I want others to be self interested because in my new found existence I don't want to have to second guess what others need, I want to live in a world full of people that are self interested enough to make request for what they want and I am self interested enough to know whether I value them enough to say yes.

I don't always know the purpose of what is appearing but I can be allowing enough of 'what is' to 'allow' it to be revealed to me, I don't have to have the answers to it all. I feel more connected to life now, can't really explain what that means other than there is a thread of excitement that starts in my belly, goes up to my heart and is registered in my head as "it's all good and getting better". Go on eat that last piece of chocolate and enjoy only considering yourself in that moment!

Beautiful pictures and quotes from Rasha/Oneness.